Stop Complaining! A Conversation Hostage Plea
By Paul Bremer, for Revive Your Life
Photo by a God's Child
Perhaps the only thing more useless to anyone than inclement weather on a leisurely day off from work is the time wasted bemoaning mother nature’s cruel agenda. Yet as the rain falls ceaselessly in maniacal water bombs that flood your yard and dampen your mood, you feel compelled to share with anyone in close proximity your overwhelming hatred for spring showers and how you can never seem to catch a break.
Not exactly stimulating conversation for either party, complaining manages to compose much of the discussions we have with people throughout our day. Whether storms have forced a beach trip cancellation or you’ve been cut-off by a highway road rager, people tend to lose their cool when things don’t go their way. Instead of making lemonade from lemons and brushing off such misfortunes as normal daily hazards, we insist on spreading the word of our misery for all to hear.
Complaining most likely stems from an inherent human need to externalize things that drive us crazy so we don’t feel isolated in our own silent anger. Similar to therapy, expressing such feelings to a captive ear cleanses your mind of the irritant so you can begin to move past it. But we’ve all known or been that person who seems to have nothing to say if they don’t have something to complain about.
One can’t help the occasional rant with a friend when a frustrating situation arises, however, at what point does complaining simply become an adults excuse to whine? And furthermore, does complaining ever have a legitimate place in social conversation beyond the casual side remark?
There seems to be a hazy line drawn between complaining as a form of tension release and as a method of socialization. Often times, complaining is simply a way to obtain validation from others. People want to find a common thread with those in their lives and it feels better to know you’re not alone in your feeling of frustration or resentment. After all, misery does in fact love company.
Many will consequently discover a bond over the things they complain with one another about because the act itself puts everyone on the same mental level regardless of differences or similarities in personality. Complaining, you could argue, is universal.
Being pessimistically critical about situations that annoy you can also have an empowering effect. When people complain, they often do so about things that they couldn’t themselves control. With egos as big as some have, many can’t bear not having control over events that can make or break or their day. When they choose to “vent” to someone else about it, it’s almost their way of reclaiming power in the scenario.
Vocalizing their distaste for such things in order to feel better is similar to the classic high school bully syndrome. Those who bully others often do it out of insecurity and forcing negative focus on another makes them feel in control and powerful. Complaining is a way for many to fight back against what has fallen upon them so they don’t really have to deal with the issue that bothered them in the first place.
So are these legitimate reasons to open the floodgates to release all things you deem obnoxious? As adults who rely heavily on social interaction in our personal and professional lives, we need to exercise caution when choosing to complain to others.
If you happen to be the kind of person who finds themselves complaining out of boredom or any other of the above listed reasons, you risk damaging your credibility as a reliably intelligent conversationalist as well as your overall reputation. The truth is, most people can tolerate others’ complaints to some degree. However, chronic complaining will wear thin on most people very quickly.
People have enough to worry about in their own lives without being held hostage to someone else’s trivial issues. What a mature, resourceful adult does when faced with situations that upset them is take measures to either avert the problem in the future or find a way to change how they feel about it now. At times, it may be necessary to share your complaints with a co-worker, friend, or family member that can offer guidance on how to rectify the situation. It’s acceptable to complain to these people about things that are actually in your control to change provided you take the initiative to do it.
But almost no one wants to hear constant complaints over weather trends, the flat-tire you got on your way to work, or the price of gas. Beyond a one-time empathetic “I know how you feel,” people will rarely remain invested because they recognize these annoyances as unavoidable bumps in the day’s road. Past that point, you’re no better than a child whining “are we there yet” in the back seat.
Everyone has moments when they curse the world and want to rage against the machine. Things will bother us, and we’ll feel the need to rope in a team of people to participate in a “life-sucks” discussion. However, let it all out quickly and move on. Take it with a grain of salt, get over it, and focus your efforts on deciding what is actually worth complaining about and what you can do to change it.
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