I Think, Therefore I Am Stressed
By Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., M.S., P.T., for Revive Your Life
Photo by Elliott les yeux grand fermés
Editors Note: Revive Your Life is proud to introduce Inspiration and Wellness Expert Contributor, Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., M.S., P.T. Dr. Lombardo is a highly sought-after clinical psychologist and physical therapist who strives to help individuals lead more productive, healthy, and happy lives. Her upcoming book, “A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness” is due in stores October 1, 2009. To learn more, visit Dr. Lombardo’s website at A Happy You where you can receive a FREE happiness gift!
Emily came into my office checking her Blackberry every minute. She proceeded to tell me about how hard her life is: “I can never get everything done. It is just too overwhelming!”
Jason came in next. He was an unemployed executive who had been downsized right out on the street. “I am a complete failure. No one is going to hire me - not at my age and in this economy.”
Kathleen was suffering from insomnia for over 2 years. “There is nothing I can do to get sleep. I will have to live like this forever.”
Colleen was convinced her life really wasn’t worth living. “I am fat and unmarried and almost 40. Who would want to marry me?!”
The overwhelming stress each of these individuals was experiencing was not caused by their circumstances. Instead, these feelings are caused by their perception of their experiences. This concept applies to us all. How we interpret situations predicts our stressful reactions. Without even realizing it, we have a constant barrage of thoughts flowing through our brains at (almost) all times. They are our interpretations about what has happened, is happening, or may happen. Rather than objective “just the facts” kind of thinking, our thoughts often pass judgment on events and people (including ourselves).
Often, however (usually more often than not), these thoughts are automatic. Although they fly into and out of our minds without us really realizing it, we do realize the consequences of these thoughts. Because automatic thoughts can be so loud and clear to us, we often do not stop and assess how accurate they are. We assume our interpretations are factual without ever testing their truthfulness.
Unfortunately, automatic thoughts are often inaccurate as well as unhelpful. In fact, much of our thinking can be inaccurate or distorted in some way. This can cause unwanted and unwarranted stress. Let’s look at some examples of thoughts that are neither accurate nor helpful:
- No one likes me.
- I am the worst _____________ (daughter, mother, wife, friend, employee…)
- My life is horrible, and it will never get better.
- This terrible situation is entirely my fault.
- It is his/her fault that I am so depressed.
- I cannot handle this stress.
- There is nothing I can do. I am completely helpless.
How accurate and helpful are these extreme judgments? Not very. In future articles, we will talk about the various categories of these stress-inducing automatic thoughts (called cognitive- or thinking- distortions). But for now, let’s look more closely at how our thoughts (rather than circumstances themselves) cause our stress.
It is as easy as A-B-C. By this, I mean that the ABC method can help you become more aware of just how powerful your thoughts are.
A= Activating event
B = Belief : What you are saying to yourself about a situation
C = Consequences: Emotional, Physical, and Behavioral
Let’s look at Jason who, as we met above, was stressed out about being unemployed. We’ll contrast what he was experiencing with Jacob who was also unemployed.
Activating Event
Job loss, primary financial provider for family
Beliefs
Jason - “I am a complete failure. No one is going to hire me - not at my age and in this economy. My life is doomed.”
Jacob - “Not what I wanted to happen, but I can handle this. I am a good worker and, despite the economy, I will find another job. Now, though, I will take advantage of the time by spending it with my family and doing some projects I have wanted to do while looking for work.”
Consequences
Jason - Emotions: helpless, hopeless, depressed; Physical sensations: tension headaches, upset stomach; Behaviors: frequent arguing with family, social withdrawal, locking himself in his room and spending hours in front of the TV, insomnia
Jacob - Emotions: encouraged, excited; Physical sensations: none; Behaviors: taking children to their afterschool activities, clearing out some of his backyard to enlarge his lawn, actively communicating with headhunters, volunteering at the local soup kitchen
As you can see, the difference is in their thinking. So, the next time you feel stressed out, stop and ask yourself, “what am I thinking?” When you notice unpleasant emotions (anger, sadness, hopelessness), uncomfortable physical sensations (pain, heart palpitations), and unwanted behaviors (overeating, angry outbursts), STOP and answer this question:
“What am I saying to myself that is creating or exacerbating this stress?”
Just that one step will allow you to decrease your stress and enhance your happiness. Future articles will be focused on specific ways to change these thoughts, but you must first learn to identify them. If you go to the doctor with back pain, we hope she would not immediately tell you to get on the surgical table so he could perform surgery. We hope she will first ask questions, do some tests, and analyze the results. And then, using all that information, she can recommend and provide the best treatment for you.
The poor age-old advice “just think happy thoughts” is similar to the surgeon cutting without any assessment. Rather than trying to just change your thinking immediately, we need to first understand what it is you are saying to yourself. Then we can determine the best way to help you.
For now, practice your “Stop & Think” exercise. Let’s change “I think, therefore I’m stressed” to “I think, therefore I’m happy.”
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[...] I think, therefore I am stressed [...]
I look forwarding to reading future articles on this subject. Unfortunately I relate to Jacob (negative version) too often though I am working on changing that.
how to get over depression.
I also get frustrate very much.
Great article Dr. Lombardo!
This helps a lot!
Take care,
Trey