Strengthen Your Relationships by Creating “Me Time”

By Paul Bremer, for Revive Your Life

To support the widespread belief that too much of any one thing is unhealthy, consider one of Earth’s most natural and essential elements: water. While of course vital to sustain basic human life, over-consumption of water can in fact kill you. Water intoxication begins to take effect when mass amounts of water throw the body’s electrolytes out of balance. Simply put, something no one could survive without can prove fatal when consumed in excess.

While most relationships don’t come with a warning label threatening possible death, the same cause and effect scenario exists when partners find themselves spending too much of their time with one another. The very closeness and desire to be together that was once necessary at the beginning of the relationship to establish an intimate foundation can ultimately disintegrate the union when people become too attached.

Permitting yourself and your partner breathing room is an undervalued and often-misinterpreted relationship virtue. Somewhere along the line, all relationships reach the point where the intensity meter drops from red to yellow as the fantasy shifts to reality. Eventually, you should feel less of a need to impress and spend every waking moment together because you’re confident enough in your relationship’s status to loosen the grip a little.

However, many tend to hold on tight to their significant other fearing that once the honeymoon spark is gone, their partner will lose interest. Consequently, they move closer and eliminate many aspects of their personal identity from their lives instead of incorporating them into the relationship. Ultimately, spending too much time together can cause you to not only lose priceless pieces from your individuality, but also resent your partner for being the reason you threw them away in the first place.

Many couples grow so accustomed to each other’s company that they instinctively feel the need to share every experience together. Like an amputee feeling incomplete without the missing limb, they lean on their partners like a crutch. This is commonly attributed to the fact that many people relinquish all sense of their own identity when they become serious with another. They no longer make decisions and live life for themselves, but rather behave and act in strict accordance to what the relationship dictates.

Having alone time is crucial for a relationship’s survival because you’ll begin to forget who you are outside the context of a relationship. The problem is that many people feel guilty when they make the transition from being inseparable to having separate lives. But spending time apart and doing normal daily activities without one another provides a sense of freedom that allows you to get reacquainted with yourself. You’ve spent the last x amount of weeks, months, or years investing yourself in someone else, so you’ve both earned the right to take a harmless step back to remember what life was like as an unrestrained individual.

Allowing one another the freedom to go out with friends or take a day trip by themselves shows incredible respect, trust and control in the relationship. Many fear that the newfound desire to spend time apart is either an early warning sign for a later break-up or indication of infidelity. This insecurity illustrates the lack of confidence both parties have in their relationship’s ability to survive situations if they aren’t there to keep a watchful eye. A healthy relationship is one where half of the couple can go out alone for the day without feeling guilt or shame about needing a little space.

Not only does some alone time clear your mind and give you a chance to reclaim the parts of your identity that you may have unintentionally suppressed for the sake of your relationship, but it also allows time to realize how much you love your partner. Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder. Removing yourself from your partner for even a short period of time allows for uninterrupted and uninfluenced reflection on the relationship. During times apart, something as simple as hearing a song on the radio that makes you think of your partner can remind you of all the reasons you fell in love with them to begin with. This Danielle Steele sentiment is sometimes not as prevalent when you are constantly together because you often don’t realize what you have until it’s gone.

At the end of the day, alone time helps you keep a grip on the things that meant most to you before becoming involved with another person. It’s important to realize that there is a world outside of a two-person commitment and you’ll miss out on it if you don’t experience things for yourself even when your partner isn’t there.

A relationship should be a combination of shared and individual experiences that add life and diversity to the bond. Without anything that is your own, you’re only giving half of yourself to a relationship that deserves the whole you.

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