Staying Connected with Your Family: Are You Doing Your Part?
By Genevieve Cullen, for Revive Your Life
Do you have fun with your family? Photo by hrtmnstrfr
As families grow up together, they inevitably grow farther apart. Whether this distance is measured by miles or by the time spent with new husbands, wives, children, or careers, this distance makes it hard to stay connected with your family.
Of course, there are always family reunions, weddings, graduation parties, or any excuse to get together. However, getting together and talking about careers, family life, and future endeavors is one thing, but becoming emotionally invested in the journey that your family takes together is so much more rewarding.
When referring to our family, it was often the case that people placed an adjective in front to describe us. We were known as “the running family.” Like it or not, if you were part of our family, you were a runner and you tried not to complain about it too much. As the years passed, fun family 5-K road races turned into 10-K’s, which turned into half marathons, then full marathons, and finally triathlons. Unfortunately, for me, in my early twenties, racing became a fun activity rather than the all encompassing driving force in my life. I focused my energy on other things and was perfectly content with that. I did, however, feel deeply disconnected from my family. I felt like the weakest link.
As I enviously scanned the series of emails and pictures sent to me describing the races my family had partook in, I enjoyed the pity party for awhile. My email replies typed by bitter fingers consisted of, “cool” and “good job.” After realizing that my family’s lifestyle was not going to change any time soon, I mulled over my options about how I could reconnect with my family:
- Maybe if I start running 40+ miles a week I will eventually enjoy it…Ha.
- I could give up happy hour on Friday nights so I can wake up early on Saturday to train…Veto.
- Maybe I can buy a $600 road bike and start triathlon training. Possibly. But in my mind, $600 is better spent elsewhere.
I hit a dead end. I can’t expect my family to change and they can’t expect me to change. Eventually I lost interest in this issue and my life continued as usual. Days became months and before I knew it, I had lost another year of bonding with my family.
On Mothers Day, which happened to be my father’s birthday, I was home visiting my family. We woke up before dawn to attend a triathlon that my father and two sisters were competing in. Before the race began, I saw my eldest sister giving my other sister and my father some last minute tips as they snapped on their swim caps and zipped up their wet suits.
I felt a pang of jealousy.
But this jealousy disappeared when the gun went off. As it did, my mom and I found ourselves screaming at the top of our lungs and running around to different checkpoints to help push our family to the finish. As my siblings and father ran by, they gave us a smile and what appeared to be an extra push to the finish.
At that instant, I realized I had found the connection I needed. Just as much as they loved racing, I loved supporting them. I was invested in their success and failures and I felt a part of the “running family” even though I was on the sidelines. Now, at family get-togethers, we can talk about the excitement of that race day and look forward to the races to come. In my family, I felt like the weak link and, as the saying goes, you are only as strong as the weakest link. But, if that link is giving family members that extra push and support that they need, then I am perfectly fine with that.
Tips to stay connected:
- Call your family members frequently and with the intention of only talking about them - your turn will come.
- Do some research on their interests, career paths, or hobbies so you can inquire about their lives.
- If distance is the barrier, find a way to meet in the middle and do something you all enjoy.
- Find at least one way to support your family members in their career, hobby or family life without asking for something in return.
- Clear your schedule - everyone is busy, but a little bit of time goes a long way.
What about you? How do you stay connected to your family? What hurdles do you face when attempting to stay connected? Share your thoughts with the RYL community in the comments section below!
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Genevieve - Nice article!
This is a great reminder for everyone to stay in contact with family.
I like the tips you offered as well. Personally, it makes me feel good when other family members ask me about my hobbies, etc. Who doesn’t like to talk about themselves once in awhile? So we should always remember to return the favor and see what’s new with our brothers, sisters or parents….it will make them feel good.
Hello Genevieve,,
I feel it is harder at times running checkpoint to checkpoint to cheer family members on in a race. Plus consider it a valuable asset that you care enough to spend your time yelling, and screaming to support them even if it is only at times thru e-mail due to distance. You’re input is important and with that being said, you will always be connected with family.
Love ya,
Mom
Along with the great story, this article provides some wonderful tips on staying connected with family. I have found that it is really easy to lose touch and forget about those most important to you.
I’m surprised that I don’t see more posts on family relationships. Family is so important and I believe it is essential that we do everything possible to feed that relationship!!
Thanks for focusing on the truly important.
Great article. I try to stay connected with my family by calling and visiting regularly, and asking them about the things they enjoy. It’s so true, you really do need to make time - but it’s totally worth it in the end!
@ Ralph - Agreed, we are working on more content to bring to this category, hopefully we’ll have more good information for you soon!
@ Mel - Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us… By the way, I really like your blog!
Jake
Our family has never been a close knit one. I’m actually composing a blog post on that very subject on my personal blog. In terms of my distant relatives (cousins, aunts, etc), it could be decades before we see each other. We never had a reunion and never get together for anything. Strange.
@ Carla - I think you are in a great position Carla to improve your family relationship & dynamics. You should take the lead in bringing your family together. Is distance keeping you all apart?
Maybe a group vacation…even if everyone can’t make it I think you should try. Maybe there are family based websites (sorta like facebook) out there where families can at least share each others experiences and info. Good luck.
Like ralph posted above, hes surprised that he doesnt see more posts on family relationships. But, im not surprised at all, family isnt what it used to be back in the old days. Now days it seems like your freinds are closer to you than your family. i dont know why that is, but families now days seem to hate each other for no reason.
We used to live within a few hundred miles of each other, now days, we are thousands of miles away from each other.
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