Overcoming the Challenges of Single Parenting
By Andrea McMann, for Revive Your Life
Photo by photosavvy
Single parent households are more prevalent than ever. According to the United States Census Bureau, approximately 30 percent of children in the United States live with only one of their parents. This means that three out of every ten children lives in a single parent household. This is quite a significant number, and it makes one wonder how this living arrangement will affect these children, and society, in the future.
Single parent households occur for various reasons. United States Census Bureau data shows approximately 38 percent of single parents are divorced, 35 percent have never married, 19 percent are separated, 4 percent are widowed, and 4 percent have spouses who live elsewhere, for business or for another reason. Single mothers account for about five-sixths of all single parents.
Children who live with a divorced parent, on average, have an advantage over children who live with a parent who has never been married. This is because never-married parents tend to be much younger and have less education than divorced parents, resulting in a lower income. In 1995, about 85 percent of divorced single parents had finished high school, while less than two-thirds of never-married parents had done the same. Children who live with divorced parents are also less likely to live in rented houses and live below the poverty line.
The Effects of Single Parenting on Children
Obviously, the ideal situation for raising a child involves two committed, involved parents. However, this scenario isn’t always feasible, and sometimes it’s totally impossible. Children raised in single parent households can thrive in society, but they must often overcome tremendous obstacles.
The topic of single parenting has long been debated and much research has been performed. Researchers have gained tremendous insight into the effect of single parenting on children. Most of their findings show that children of single parents have the best chance for success if a father figure (or mentor) is present, and the parent is able to effectively reduce and manage their own levels of stress.
The Importance of Father Figures
According to a study from the University of Illinois, children who have a consistent father figure involved in their lives do better academically. The study found that children who had father figures who spoke sincerely with them on a daily basis had higher scores in reading and math. The study also mentioned that the father figure didn’t have to be a biological father, just a supportive, consistent male role model.
In February of 2008, Acta Paediatrica published an intensive review of studies involving father figures. This review covered 24 studies conducted between 1987 and 2007, including major studies performed in the United States and the United Kingdom. Overall, this review found that children benefit greatly from having father figures who are actively involved in their lives. In general, children who have had active father figures do better in school, and are better at making friends with members of both sexes. They are also less prone to delinquent activities, such as smoking and getting into trouble with the law. As for long term benefits, the review found that women who had a positive relationship with a father figure at the age of 16 were more likely to have successful relationships with their partners, and be mentally and physically healthy.
Managing Parental Stress
Acting as both mother and father to a child can cause a great deal of emotional and physical stress. Add in the trauma from divorce or the loss of a spouse and the responsibility of being the sole financial head of a household, and it’s no wonder that many single parents deal with depression and high stress levels. All parents need to learn stress management techniques, and this is even more important when it comes to single parents.
If you feel depressed or overwhelmed with your financial and physical burdens, seek help immediately. Children are affected by parental stress, and will undoubtedly feel stressed, too. Because children are visual learners, the way you react to stress will affect their perceptions of how to deal with their own stresses. Ultimately, if your children see you seeking help when your stress becomes unmanageable, they will learn effective ways to manage stress as well.
Single Parent Households Can Thrive
Obviously, there are certain abusive situations when children should not be with both of their parents. In these cases, the best course of action is to remove the child from a bad situation, even if it means he or she will no longer be in contact with one parent.
Children living in single parent homes are usually faced with responsibility at a younger age than children of dual parent households. As a result, children who live with one parent are usually more independent than other children. This self-reliance is one way that children can thrive in a single parent household. Also, when adults are reliable and responsible, step-parents can add love and support to a child’s life.
Ultimately, a parent’s marital status doesn’t matter as much as consistent, loving care. Dual parent households are an ideal situation, but not always a realistic choice. If children have adequate financial support, emotionally involved mother and father figures, and parents who know how to manage stress, they have a very good chance of growing into well-adjusted, happy, successful adults.
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Andrea, thanks for sharing. I really liked your point that children can thrive in single parent households. As a fellow single parent, I appreciate your highlighting this fact. I agree that children are raised in a loving and secure environment then they will excel.
i’m not a single parent though i sympathy on those women who manage to raisetheir child well and orderly…
as a mother of four, i usually have difficulties on which to prioritize and which to set aside… but i make it a point that when i’m angry or stressed, i dont let my kids see it for they may misunderstood it…
i suggest that revive your life should post more about parenting. it will really help a lot especially to those first time parents…