10 Traits That Make a Great Mother
By Amy Mutchler, for Revive Your Life
Photo by PhotograTree
Every caring mother wants to be the best mother she can be to her child. As a result, we do whatever it takes to provide opportunities that will open not only the child’s imagination, but hopefully doors to future successes in life. We plan play dates, conference with school teachers, chauffeur to and from practices, provide nutritious meals, and purchase the best clothes, toys, and vacations we can afford. We aim to give our children a better life than what we had growing up; we vow to not make the same mistakes our own parents made.
In our quest to be a great mother and provide “the best” for our children, we can lose sight of the value of our mother/child relationship. Our strategic planning is, of course, in the child’s best interest, but often these activities turn the mother’s role into manager instead of caregiver as more and more time is spent organizing schedules. We often lose sight of what really defines a great mother. Any mom can schedule, but only a great mom has a strong relationship with her child.
How do we become great mothers and cultivate strong relationships with our children? Consider applying the following 10 traits that make for a great mother:
Listen - A great mother knows when to talk, and better yet, when to listen. Listening skills go beyond silently watching your child. It’s not a time to multitask. It’s a time to show your child how much he/she means to you and how much their problems or successes matter. Do not interject and offer your own opinions or advice, but do offer praise and validate your child’s feelings and keep eye contact to show your interest.
Be Consistent - Consistent routines, consistent discipline, consistent punctuality, etc. offer a form of security that develops trust between you and your child. Both you and your child will be aware of what is expected and the related consequences when there is consistency. For example, a child will be less prone to disobey if the consequences are always enforced. Is your child usually late for school? A consistent morning routine can help to end that frustration in no time.
Laugh - A great mother knows how to find sunshine in the storm. It’s easy to laugh at something humorous, but finding a way to laugh during hard times is a talent which must be developed for most people. Laughing at the spills, accidents, and messes they make while they’re young will help us remember that they’re just that - young children who are still learning. As they grow and experience the hardships in life, our laughter can help them remember our love for them, as well as the fact that life does go on. They may even follow our example and laugh in times of despair, lessening their own stress.
Express Love Frequently - I know people whose parents rarely expressed their love, and I know people whose parents expressed their love many times every day. Guess who had the better relationship with their parents? It’s not hard to see that when someone frequently tells you how they feel about you, you believe it more. Telling your children “I love you” at least once a day no matter how old they are will strengthen your relationship and help your children remember that you accept them for who they are. Great mothers express their love often.
Be Flexible - No, I’m not referring to Mrs. Incredible and her physical elasticity. Great mothers exhibit mental flexibility, a.k.a. patience. Mothers of young children know there is no such thing as a perfect day despite meticulous planning. Sickness, the immediate needs of a family member or neighbor, a flat tire, (this can be a long list) may occur and leave you feeling like you’ve been blindsided resulting in a good portion of the day which has gone awry. Using your patience to be flexible in these situations will suppress anger and keep your children calm.
Provide Unconditional Love - Your relationship with your children will drastically improve if they know they are loved by you no matter what their life circumstances may be. If a negative situation arises, control your fury and express your love and concern for them again and again.
Be Their Teacher - A great mother takes her knowledge and shares it with her children. Not just school subjects, but knowledge about life skills, finances, current events, and home and cooking skills will help prepare them for the time they leave home. If you are concerned that you will not be able to teach certain things, learn about them yourself and then share your new knowledge with them.
Practice What You Preach - Nothing ruins a relationship like a hypocritical dictator. If you’ve established rules with your children, make sure you follow them too. Otherwise, you will break their trust (or never develop it) and there’s a slim chance they will take your rules seriously enough to obey them when they observe you wandering. To help your children see you honor and appreciate rules, allow them to make a few for the family to obey.
Spend Quality Time - Work and electronics seem to have taken over our lives, and our children feel the consequences. Arrange to spend quality one-on-one time with each of your children as frequently as your schedule allows. Use this time to show your love and appreciation to your child by playing games or going out for a meal or dessert. Talk about their current activities and their goals; ask how you can help with their goals or any problems they’re experiencing.
Apologize When Necessary - There’s no newsflash needed - parents are not perfect. As hard as we try, we make mistakes and are often caught by our children. Instead of talking our way out of it, apologize for the mistake and acknowledge that you’ll do your best to not repeat it. This teaches your children the importance of a quick apology, that it takes thoughtful work to not make mistakes, and how to forgive others.
Becoming a great mother and strengthening your relationship with your children does not happen overnight, nor does it involve being your child’s manager. It takes dedication, careful planning, and sacrifices to be a great mom. Remember - the effort you make is worth a stronger and better relationship that will enable you to grow closer together and enjoy one another’s company.
As a mother, which of these traits do you see as most important? What secrets can you share which help to create strong relationships with your children? Please use the comments section below to share with the Revive Your Life community!
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What great advice! Taking the time to be involved in our children’s lives will truly leave long-lasting impressions.
Wonderful article with excellent advice. You can’t beat getting back to the basics - a great reminder!
@ Katie and Sheye - Glad you enjoyed the article, thanks for sharing your thoughts!